Dating 100 Men

No, I have not dated 100 men.

Yes, I think writing about someone else's writing (instead of my own material) is cheating. But I do it all the time, because the internet is full of such amazing stories.

This one comes from msn.com It's about online dating, and what writer Ann Marsh learned about men, dating, and herself when she used the internet to date over 100 men in six months. Here's the part I like best:

"If he clearly wasn't interested...then he was simply another woman's catch. I got out of her way. I knew I'd meet someone else tomorrow."

I like this idea. Instead of looking at a "failed" date as a problem, Marsh learned to see it as an opportunity for both parties. A dating version of the process of elimination. A reason to smile instead of beat yourself up, and the eternal optimism that somewhere, there is a person (or people) who fit(s) you.

You can read Marsh's article here.


.

Sexting

A new form of sexting - not the kind causing legal headaches in Vermont - has entered the picture. And all I can say is, Yippee North Carolina!

In that conservative state, in which sex ed is (you guessed it) abstinence-only, teens can text the Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention Campaign of North Carolina. Adults at the other end text back "a cautious, nonjudgmental reply" within 24 hours, "discreetly and always urging protection".

I'm psyched. Teens have sex. They need good answers. And doing it through texting is meeting them where they live.

You can read the New York Times Article by Jan Hoffman here.

.

Collection of Thoughts

Vermont is abuzz over "sexting" - sending sexually explicit texts and images with cell phones. If a teen (or tween) takes a sexy picture of themselves and sends it to their boy/girl friend, it's technically child pornography. This is a felony, and means a perminant listing on the state's sex offender database. Vermont lawmakers are currently working to change this legislation. Read more here and here.

My local high school sends out permission slips for ex education class. Can I veto English class, too? How about math? It annoys me that this is necessary.

Lastly, Betty Dodson has replied to responses about her circumcision essay. You can read her reply here.

.

Gay Vermont

I'm so proud to be a Vermonter. The first state to legalize gay marriage without a court order. Woohooooooo!!!

.

Follow-Up to "Male Violence"

My entry entitled "Male Violence" has generated a lot of comments, and some questions. (Follow the link to check out the responses, if you haven't already.)

First, I'd like to say, "Wow!" I'm honored to know that such intelligent, articulate, passionate people are reading Positively Sexy. Second, I'm thrilled to see such frank, open dialogue about a sexual topic. Fantastic!

Now the question that keeps popping up: Why, oh, why did I link Betty Dodson's article, "Mothers, Don't Circumcise Your Boys"? Isn't this blog called Positively Sexy, not "Negatively Make People Feel Alienated"? The answer is simply this: I'd read it and wanted to share it. Betty made some interesting points, and the article generated some thoughtful conversations between my friends and I. Originally I wasn't going to blog about it (since Betty's blog is already in our links section), but after reading Cosi Fabian's observations about the cycle of violence, I decided to post them together and see what readers thought.

Things linked in this blog - pictures, essays, videos, other blogs, whatever - share the opinions of their authors, which are not necessarily the same as the opinions of Positively Sexy's authors. I've linked things I love, like the picture of Liberty kissing Blind Justice, and things I hate, like a pro-Prop 8 commercial. I've linked products I've used, like Betty Beauty, and things I'd never seen or heard of, like the Eroscillator.

So where does Betty's article fall on that continuum?

I'm of two minds about "Mothers, Don't Circumcise Your Boys". As many commenters pointed out, Betty's article was full of interesting points, but was aggressively argued. I can't speak for Betty, but I assumed she was riled up from the circumcision video she linked (which I opted not to watch for that very reason). The line about "primitive" Africans particularly upset me.

If I have sons I don't want them circumcised, but I'm not interested in forcing my opinion on anyone else. Certainly, I don't think anyone can tell another person that their sex life or genitals are "wrong" (unless there is non-consensual harm).

I hope some of you commented on Betty's blog. I will link the article again here, because the responses Betty received are worth reading.

Lastly, to those of you who comment frequently - thank you! I encourage you to come up with an alias, as my friend "Annie" did. It's easier to add new thoughts to an old comment that way, and eliminates the anonymous/anonymous confusion.

Many Thanks,

Rachel


.

Gay Marriage

For those of us keeping score:

- Gay marriage is legal in Belgium, Canada, the Netherlands, Norway, South Africa, Spain, and Sweden.

- Gay marriage is legal in Connecticut, Iowa, and Massachusetts.

- Gay marriage is not illegal in New Mexico and Rhode Island. Massachusetts will issue licenses to couples from those states.

- New York recognizes gay marriage licenses issued in other states.

- California used to allow gay marriage, but this was overturned by Proposition 8.

- Civil unions in New Jersey grant all the same rights as heterosexual marriage.

Also:

- Gay partnerships/unions are legal in Denmark, Iceland, Norway, France, Finland, Germany, Portugal, Croatia, Luxembourg, New Zealand, Switzerland, the United Kingdom (England, Whales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland), and the Brazillian state of Rio Grande do Sul.

- Hungary allows common-law marriages of same-sex couples.

- Civil unions are legal in Mexico City and Mexican state of Coahuila. These unions are recognised by all Mexcian states.

- Gay partnerships/unions are legal in Connecticut, New Hampshire, New Jersey, Oregon, Vermont, and Washington.

- Vermont's gay marriage bill has passed the Senate and House in spite of a promised veto by Gov. Jim Douglas. A 2/3 majority can overturn a veto.

Further:

- Gay marriage is banned in Honduras, Latvia, and Uganda.



(Information gathered mostly from this About.com article.) For more detailed information, check out Wikipedia's Timeline of Same Sex Marriage. For a comprehensive U.S. map, go to this Wikipedia Page. For other sex laws, check out this Geocities page.

.

Follow-Up to Discovery Health Typo

Since I found the "typo" in Discovery Health, I've found two more sources that seem to confirm that the G-spot is part of the clitoris: I *Heart* Female Orgasm by Dorion Solot and Marshall Miller, and She Comes First by Ian Kerner. I have two explanations for this. One is that, when G-spots became popular, we'd forgotten a lot of female anatomy. Someone suggested that it might be part of the clitoris, and the suggestion stuck. The second possibility is that people promoting "clitoral pride" are going overboard, claiming the whole vulva/pelvis in the name of the clitoris. However, zeal and anatomy are not the same thing. Until I'm presented with more compelling evidence, I'm sticking to the G-spot-as-female-prostate theory, as presented in The Story of V by Catherine Blackledge.

Discovery Health Typo

I just found this cringe-inducing quote over at Discovery Health:

"This position enables the penis to reach the G-spot, the part of the clitoris that extends into the vaginal wall."

!?! Yes, the clitoris is a lot bigger than the visible glans. Betty Dodson does a great drawing of the internal clitoris in this video. But the "G-spot" is not it! The "G-spot" is spongy erectile tissue that surrounds the urethra (like in the penis). No wonder women are confused about the G-spot. Get it together, Discovery Health.

For those of you who're wondering, the position they're recommending is missionary, with your hips tilted.

Cycling Cervix

Ever wondered how a cervix changes during a menstrual cycle? Are you wondering now? Check out this awesome photo-blog to see the many "faces" of a happy, healthy, fertile cervix. (You also get to see how ripply the vaginal canal is.)

Now On Facebook!

Positively Sexy has a new Facebook page. Go become a fan!

Male Violence

Carnal Nation recently posted an article about Cosi Fabian, a 20th-century Sacred Whore. In this paragraph, Cosi shares with the author a cultural observation:

[Cosi] noticed a parallel between the way men were acculturated to violence but condemned for acting violent and the way women were taught to be sexy but condemned for having sex. Both violence and sex are essential at the right time and place, but it is abusive to teach lessons and then condemn the student who learns and acts upon them.

This reminded me of an article by Betty Dodson, connecting circumcision to male violence. She writes that circumcision puts heterosexuality at war with itself, prepares young men to go to war with others, and leads to a more violent lovemaking style:

I eventually named this the "Hard Fuck" where a guy would bang away....I've only recently made the connection between the hard fuck and circumcision where a man struggles to get adequate stimulation during intercourse.

If you are interested, follow the links and read the full articles. Betty's article includes a link to a video showing circumcision, if you are feeling courageous.

(Please do share your thoughts in the comments, that's what they're there for.)

Historical Hysterical: The Old Chapel

A couple nights ago I took Sean to a Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) Club event at a local college. On our way out, we stumbled across a museum display dedicated to the college's former medical school. Among the artifacts were Dr. Young's Improved Dilators (circa 1930), used for dilating constipated rectums; Urethral Sounds, used to dilate the urethra of individuals suffering from gohnorreha; and Syringes for Anal Douching. The rectal dilators were clearly butt-plugs, leading me to believe that constipation must have been as epidemic in the 1930's as Female Hysteria was in the Victorian Era. The urethral sounds reminded me of something I read about urethral play on (I think) Mistress Matisse's blog. But the syringes were exceptionally priceless, because they were accompanied by a picture dipicting two women on a bed. One was on all fours, full skirts hiked up around her breasts, naked bottom waggling in the air. The other was holding an anal syringe at the ready, and was smiling at the door, where a dapper man with a salacious grin had just entered the room and surprised them in their fun. What made it even more special was that this museum display was in a campus building called "The Old Chapel".

Guinness Commercial

Just in time for Saint Patrick's Day, a sexy and funny Guinness commercial for your viewing pleasure.

Alphabet Soup

I was just over at Catalina Loves and found a link to a great article titled, "Hello sir, I mean ma'am: Trans Etiquette for Dummies" by Andrea Zanin.

During college I had the wonderful fortune of living one floor down from the school's gay- and trans- friendly housing. (Hopefully the whole school was gay-and trans- friendly, but this space was set aside for students who wished to use it.) I had some wonderful neighbors who smiled at me in the halls, invited me to community art projects, and sponsored sex-toy raffles. (I also had some neighbors I could've lived without, just like any dorm.) I didn't know many of their genders; I didn't ask. Sometimes someone would change their name or pronoun, and mistakes were politely corrected. I was touched when one of my friends showed me a picture of himself just a few years earlier, when his name and pronoun were female.

I loved attending our school's annual gay prom, and some of my friends were security at the Translating Identity Conference (which Zanin mentions in her article). Looking back, I cherish those memories and see how lucky I was to have learned such valuable lessons about acceptance and respect.

This entry is titled "alphabet soup" after a joke that community had. Our school's gay- and trans- student organization was called LGBTQA* Services. This acronym was long, cumbersome and intimidating - and then it started gaining letters! It got to somewhere around LGBTTQQIAA** by the time I graduated, and we were afraid it would never stop. People gave up and started calling it "alphabet soup" instead.

*Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning and Ally
**Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transexual, Transgender, Queer, Questioning, Intersex, Advocates and Allies

Cool Sunglasses

Today in the car, Sean was talking to me while wearing dark sunglasses. I realized that I was staring at his mouth because I couldn't see his eyes. This made me wonder...maybe sunglasses make people look cool/sexy because they force us to watch the person's mouth.

We know that some human responses work in both directions (i.e., feeling happy makes us smile, and smiling makes us feel happier). We also know that when you're attracted to someone, you watch their mouth. So maybe watching a person's mouth makes them seem more attractive.

We'll call it "the Men In Black effect".

Hard Drive Failure

Now that I am on the mend, my computer is sick. I'll be getting a new hard drive some time this week.
~Rachel

Shoutout

Because I know I have some new readers at my old school; welcome!

This entry is about showing love to sex ed teachers. And yes, I had the same sex ed teacher you have now. Sex ed teachers are caught in an unenviable position. Everybody has ideas about how (and when) children should be taught about sex, but few adults step up to the plate. There are the parents who think the school shouldn't be teaching sex at all; the abstinence-only groups that want to elbow in on your classroom time; the teenage students who think their generation invented sex. Plus, under the Bush administration (in which only abstinence-only sex ed gets funding) sex ed teachers are low on funds and training.

But there she is, in the front of the classroom, doing it anyway. Even though you might not be mature about it, or even nice to her. But she does know what she is talking about, because your generation did not invent sex. And when she teaches you things other than abstinence, she's actually rebelling against the federal government. Because you matter to her.

So show the love.

Heart Surgery Update

Hello Readers!

It has been one week and one day since my surgery, and recovery is taking up most of my energy. I hope you will enjoy the archives (and pass the blog around!) until I am healthy enough to pick it up again.

Yours,
Rachel

PositivelySexy History

Kelly and I met in college. One year we saw "I Heart Female Orgasm" and "The Vagina Monologues" back-to-back, and the rest is history. Last summer we hosted our first workshop - on alternative feminine hygiene - and were hooked. Kelly's anthropology background and my biology background come together into what we hope is a wonderful experience for our readers and workshop attendees.

News Bytes

From the BBC:

Thinking of sex can make you sneeze.

Women "disguise" ovulation from strangers by de-sexifying their gait.

Also, Bettie Page passed away earlier this month. She was a queen of pinup and fetish, in a time when women's sexuality wasn't discussed. She was an inspirational woman and will be missed.

Heart Surgery

Dear Readers,

I'm back from Boston, where they poked me and prodded me and decided that I need heart surgery. The surgery will take place Dec. 29th, and I will start 2009 with a re-vamped ticker!

~Rachel